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**Djoser** · 09-19-2011, 03:25 PM

LOL
Hamish, we read that poem on the first day of poetry class.

last piece from me.

**YaelTheGreat** · 09-20-2011, 09:55 PM

Just to clarify something: When you guys say deep, you mean I should use imagery to portray your opinions.

**Asshole** · 09-20-2011, 10:20 PM

nope. like multi layered

**wise_owl** · 09-20-2011, 11:40 PM

Damn we got a new prodigy in the forum. All you other "poets" need to move bitch get out the way.

To all you other poets out there
AA BB CC all your poetry is still shitty.

I poet now???

**YaelTheGreat** · 09-20-2011, 11:43 PM

Is that really neccesary? Is being a useless asshole, really the way you want to be projected? Provide usefull criticism or Get The Fuck Out.

**Djoser** · 09-20-2011, 11:47 PM

lol he was joking, Yael.

Usually a deep poem has a multitude of different meanings or is very profound. It's not something you can force. It's within you.

**wise_owl** · 09-20-2011, 11:47 PM

but your the prodigy

**Fuzzly Bear** · 09-21-2011, 08:04 AM

just go read more poetry

som poets reckon the best poetry is when it just flows out of you unadulterated onto the page.
other poets reckon you've got to edit and refine it blah blah blah.
what do you think

**ClichéGuevara** · 09-21-2011, 08:10 AM

Laz, you know nothing about poetry.

**YaelTheGreat** · 09-21-2011, 08:19 PM

Why is everybody shitting on Laz, he is the only one giving me criticism. My poetry can't be that great yet, anybody else have different criticism.

**Djoser** · (This post was last modified: 09-21-2011 08:30 PM by Djoser.)

Laz's criticism is more appropriate for a rap not a poem. While both are similar, there's still a difference.

There's nothing to really criticize on without including each of our own preferences of poems we like.

Personally, I'd like to see a conceit, an extended metaphor and more fancy techniques and stuff. But that's me. I'm trying to be objective in my criticism.

One thing I can say to improve on is...subject matter. That's subjective too, but it gets a little boring to always write about world's wrongs. Be happy.

plus, you're lack of connotations and figurative language in the first poem has been applied to the second one.

**Asshole** · 09-21-2011, 08:52 PM

well everything is self learned. and i was critiquing it from a lyrical stance, which seems to suit it. lyrics= poetry+rhythm